Dear Haya,
I am a socially awkward introvert looking for advice on how to handle social gatherings. I often tend to feel anxious or drained in group settings, even around people I am familiar with. I struggle to balance the need for some alone time with the desire to maintain a social life and friendships.
Although people around me on the surface seem sweet about my reluctance to attend social events, they sometimes view me with a judgmental lens, given my awkwardness when I’m with them.
Can you suggest some practical ways that I can handle such interactions in a pleasant manner while staying stress free?
— A socially awkward introvert
Dear Socially Awkward Introvert,
Before we dive deep into your query, I would like to point out here that there is nothing wrong with you. Awareness is a good place to start and I can see that you are aware of your personality type. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re failing in life, it just means your energy works differently and that’s okay. What matters is how we work around what we already have in a way that works best for our well-being and respects your need for connection and your need for space.
Let’s explore some practical ways to handle such interactions to help you mentally prepare for an upcoming event.
Choose ‘small doses’ instead of all or nothing
You don’t have to attend every session or stay for hours. Showing up for even 30 to 45 minutes can help you maintain friendships without overwhelming yourself.
Have an exit plan ready that you feel comfortable with
Knowing how to leave a place makes everything easier, for example until the time when you are tired or have your car with you. This reduces anxiety because you are not trapped.
Anchor yourself with one person
Instead of expecting you to navigate an entire group, choose one person with whom you feel most comfortable. Standing by them or sitting with them gives you a base to return to throughout the event.
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Prepare conversation starters
Have some conversation topics in mind that you can fall back on. For example, how was your week? What are you working on these days? Are there any interesting shows you watch? When you feel frozen, these help you engage without pressure. Remember, curiosity always wins.
Protect your energy before and after
Being self-aware of yourself is a superpower. You know what works and what doesn’t. Try to do some grounding beforehand to keep your nervous system calm. After a meeting, schedule some quiet time to recharge. It will help you regain your energy.
Remember that most people are focused on themselves. We may feel like people are judging us because we’re so hyper-aware of ourselves, but we think more than that is true. Most people are trapped in their own insecurities.
Introversion is not a fault
Your introversion is not a fault. The most important thing is that we accept ourselves as we are and create a life around what works best to boost our well-being.
Start with these steps, but remember that you will experience some discomfort as you practice them. It is natural. Every time we move outside of our comfort zones, our nervous system reacts. The goal is not to avoid discomfort completely, but to stay within a level that feels manageable.
Growth requires just that – a willingness to challenge yourself. If you don’t push beyond what feels familiar, you stay stuck in patterns that keep you isolated. And while loneliness can be soothing, all humans have a basic need for love, connection and belonging. Ignoring this need for too long can lead to loneliness and unmet emotional needs.
So take small steps, respect your boundaries, but also respect your need for connection. The goal for you is to build a life where you will feel socially competent and emotionally fulfilled, not cut off from others out of fear. And remember, progress over perfection always.
Good luck!
– Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), practicing corporate wellness strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions by filling out this form or mail to [email protected]
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