Hi Haya,
I’m a teenager and have been feeling quite stressed lately. Could really use your guidance to find some solutions to my problems.
I have several ambitions and goals for my career and future, and while they continue to motivate me, they can also become quite overwhelming for me at times. I often keep worrying about being perfect at it, achieving enough and fearing falling behind, which ultimately affects my mental health.
Would you like some advice on how to deal with this stress in a healthy way, try to balance my goals and also take care of my mental health?
– An ambitious teenager
Dear ambitious teenager,
Thanks for sharing your query. Something many young adults could relate to.
It’s great to hear about your ambitions and dreams and they continue to motivate you, but I also hear they tend to overwhelm you. The worry that they are perfect and the fear of falling behind affects your mental health.
When you constantly mix pressure with perfectionism, your ambition can turn into constant worry, causing your nervous system to always remain in “alert mode.” Over time, it can become exhausting, affect mood, sleep, confidence and motivation, and take you away from your real goals.
A key factor to note about perfectionism is that it is often rooted in fear. The fear of not being enough, the fear of disappointment, the fear of not being enough. Awareness is always the first step to change.
A point to remember, stress does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It means you don’t care.
Your ambition is your strength, but it needs structure and direction to streamline it. Let’s take a look at what we can do.
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Make a vision board
Get a board and put up pictures of all the goals you have for yourself. Be specific. For example, if there is a financial goal you want to meet, a certain level of health you want to achieve, a certain career, etc.
Create smart goals
Write down on a piece of paper all the goals you want to achieve in the next 10 years. Once you’ve listed them, divide them into five-year goals and one-year goals. Break the annual ones down into monthly goals and daily goals. Goals must be smart: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound. When goals are vague, like “I need to succeed or I should do more,” the brain will remain anxious because it doesn’t know when it’s safe to relax.
Zoom in, not zoom out
You get overwhelmed because you’re trying to plan your entire future at once. Focus on the next small step, the next skill, and the next step.
Focus on progress rather than perfection
Perfection always delays action. Progress builds confidence. Ask yourself: What is the smallest imperfect action I can take today?
Focus on other areas of your life
You need to focus on other aspects of your life to build mental strength at the same time. For example, exercise and get a restful sleep. This will keep you strong and going.
Work on your mindset
When you feel like you’re not doing enough, actively work to reset your mindset. For example, I do the best I can. I work every day towards my long and short term goals. Remind yourself of all the things you do.
Work on your perfectionism and fear
The two feelings are often linked to the beliefs you have about yourself. Work on the relationship you have with yourself and you will notice the rest begin to fall into place.
Regulation of the nervous system
You need a grounded and safe nervous system to plan your future. You can do this through breathwork, grounding, or find whatever else works for you.
Remember, you need a grounded nervous system and clear, actionable goals to plan your entire future. Your job is not to be perfect, your job is to make progress while protecting your mental health.
Start with this and see how it goes. If it still feels too overwhelming, I’d suggest working with a therapist and coach to help you create the life you can’t stop thinking about.
And remember, nothing is impossible, if your mind can perceive it, you can do it. You got this!
Best wishes,
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), practicing corporate wellness strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions by filling out this form or email [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend that our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalized advice and solutions. The author and Pakinomist.tv assume no responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information contained herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to improve grammar and clarity.
