Hi Haya,

I am a single mother of three children and got divorced a year ago. I’ve tried my best to get back on my feet for my kids but I think it’s very hard to stay motivated sometimes.

After my divorce, I stayed with my family for a few months, but managed to find a room for the kids and myself so we are not a burden to anyone. I am proud to have made the huge decision because it was impossible to live in this marriage. It is also a relief that my children who have witnessed my suffering support my decision, but sometimes I feel sad that they now have to live a fighting life because of me. I do my best and take care of them through a teaching job, but I know it will take a lot of hard work to give them everything they need to live a good life.

I would ask you how I can keep motivated, not necessarily for myself, but for my children who are now completely dependent on me. I feel very lost and demotivated on this journey. Guide.

– a demotivated single mother

Dear Single Mother,

First of all, I will acknowledge the incredible strength and resilience you have shown by navigating in such a challenging period of your life. To make the decision to leave an impossible situation and build a life for yourself and your children take tremendous courage. The love and determination you have to your children are so clear in your words and are your greatest motivators, though it may not feel that way.

It is clear that you are already doing an incredible job as a mother, although you may not always feel it that way. The fact that your children support your decision shows that they see and appreciate your strength, even if they do not express it all the time.

Feeling lost and demotivated is quite natural for you to feel, especially when you carry so much concern and responsibility. You navigate both the emotional weight of your divorce and the practical challenges of being a single mother, which is not a small transition.

Before we move on, I would like you to stop and recognize how far you have come and recognize your journey so far. Sometimes we are so focused on looking ahead, we forget how far we have come.

When it comes to motivation, it is an ineffective strategy to expect to be motivated. Motivation comes and goes and is therefore not reliable. However, there is something that can keep you going that connects to your “why” – your purpose. Why do you do what you do? And based on what you have shared, your “why” works “deeply rooted in creating a better and healthier life for your children. When things get tough, remind yourself of the progress you’ve already made and the vision you have for them can help maintain you.

Following are some of things that I will deliberately encourage you to do:

Focus on and recognize your little gains

We are often so caught by how much further we have to go that we overlook how much progress we have already made. Focusing solely on the end goal can feel overwhelming, rather than focusing on the next small step forward instead. To remind yourself of the obstacles you have already overcome – like finding a home for your family and holding your teaching job – can help you appreciate how far you have come and the progress you are continuing to make.

Take some time out for yourself

This may sound impossible to you, but it can even be 10 to 20 minutes before the kids wake up. A small simple routine before you start the day can make you feel more grounded and in control of yourself, giving you improved mental and emotional stability. To look after your children, you must first take care of yourself.

Lean on your support system

While making incredible progress in creating independence, being associated with supportive friends or family members or even people with similar trips can help ease your emotional strain. A brief conversation with someone who understands can make a difference.

Self -feeling practice

It is normal to feel guilty or confidence, especially as a mother. When these feelings arise, try talking to yourself as you would make to a close friend – with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself that it is already a huge gift to give a loving, peaceful environment to your children.

Treat your feelings

You’ve been through a lot and as much as you need to move forward, you also have to treat what you’ve gone through and make sure the life you thought you would have. I would recommend you to work with a therapist for some time to help you in the process.

Focus on progress, not perfection

Your kids don’t need a perfect life – they need a happy and elastic mother. By prioritizing your well -being with theirs, you learn them powerful lessons about courage and endurance.

Good luck for your journey in the future, you are doing a remarkable job – one day at a time. Wishing you the best.

– Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro -Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, company’s well -being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures that focus on well -being and raise awareness of mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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