In Pakistan, we have witnessed several episodes of violence, harassment, oppression and even murder of more women across the different layers in our financial layers.
From the wealthy Noor Mukaddam to the completely unknown little Zainab we have seen countless girls and women of all age groups suffer from the most brutal and violent men. The nation cries, talking about it everywhere, condemning it too – but then forgets it until the next cycle of violence affects another girl/woman.
What we do not do is see in our home, our society and our social structures to see that we may be breeding the same type of men in our homes whose actions may not make national headlines today, but they have certainly the same capacity to make the wrong headlines later in life. It’s time that we focus more on the male child and try to raise better sons.
If we observe an average household, the whole focus is on the girls child. From her appearance to her clothes, to the way she walks, talking, eating or even thinking is analyzed through a microscopic vision and often results in constant lecture, arguments, scolding and sometimes even mentally and physical abuse. She has to learn to live within a cage right from the day she was born. She can be loved very much at home, but the demands of the family values and society prevail highest in the hearts and minds of the parents and the male siblings, and she alone is expected to be the bearer of these values, belief systems and morals throughout her life.
She is taught to obey, follow and dare not dream. Marriage and not education or a career is to be her ambition. Families also raise her as someone else’s property and try to make her a perfect wife to be given away before rather than later. In other words, she becomes the only focus, excitement and fear of the whole household.
In the midst of all this, the male child is often raised differently. He is born with a natural sense of freedom, despite and authority. He gets room to question, command and even dictate himself inside and outside the house. He can carry what he wants, he can go, sit or sleep in every way he wants, and he has the choice to say no to something.
‘Boys will be boys’ mantra allows for more acceptability of being macho and exhibiting bravado and temperament. The male child is brought up with a great sense of privilege for being a man in the house. So no guidance on family values, moral codes or social pressure. Many boys don’t have to check in or check for literally anything.
Last nights or all night with little or mildly questioning is a norm in many homes. So while the sisters are hidden from being cared for to be obedient and morally correct women, boys do not endure such training or expectations. They can get away with murder.
As a consequence of the above, the everyday life of most girls and most boys is characterized by aggression and violence against women in many households. Society has heard and seen countless episodes of harassment and even submission, and the country today is called the most dangerous place for women in the world.
According to the World Economic Forum’s annual Global Gender Gap report, Pakistan has now fallen to the last place and ranks 148 out of 148 countries. This latest statistic is not a shock or a deviation from what many have screamed about and fought for.
It stamps the correctness of many women and men who have raised their votes to make this country a better place for the other and less heard part of the population.
A key element that is largely missing from the male grandson, both at home and in schools, is the focus on emotional intelligence. In fact, this focus will solve many social issues in our country.
Teaching boys how to regulate their emotions can lead to the prevention of crime, prevention of addiction and suicide prevention. This is how we stop raising adult men who explode, implode or shut down at the first view of discomfort and disagreement.
Emotional regulation is not only a soft skill but survival. It is the basis of a society where people can disagree without dehumanizing each other, where accountability is not seen as an attack and conflict does not always have to mean violence. If we want a better society, we need to introduce emotional regulation/intelligence into our boys in early childhood.
Our boys must also be taught in the meaning and meaning of consent. They need to be learned right from the start that when a girl says no, it means no. He should understand that she, like him, also has the right to her body, mind and approach in life. She is also a human and is just different from him. That he should learn to treat her as a human and not look at her as a plaintiff.
Perhaps a slightly more detailed understanding of the woman’s biological cycle will make him understand a lot about a woman’s moods, attitudes and the overall view of life. This would certainly go a long way in limiting “mansplaining” or undermining many things related to a woman.
At the end of the day, a young boy also needs a healthy role model. Since boys also tend to monkey their fathers, it is important that fathers are also aware that it is also their responsibility to raise their children. It is not only Mother’s JD to raise children.
The father also has to implant good habits, good deeds and what is or is not acceptable behavior. If a father is not any of these factors himself, he will be a lousy role model for the young boy, as he will unfortunately grow up to be like him. But if the father respects the mother, her views accept and treat her as a straight, the son will probably be like him as well.
It is important to educate our boys about how important gender equality is and what misogyny is and how terrible and unacceptable it is. They must be raised as feminists and are told about the important role of a woman playing both within and equally, if not more outside the houses, not only for the household, but also for a nation.
He must see, hear, read about and understand female role models for the family, the country and the world. In the end, he must be learned that real men can also cry, as there is nothing wrong with expressing this feeling, and also that real men do not make girls cry ever.
In the end, it is safe to ask our media to show more plays like Qarz-E-Jaan showing the effect of a boy’s bad upbringing, played very well from Nameer Khan. It is important to tell schools to care for our boys better. And it is extremely important for our parents to focus much more on our boys, and so from the first years.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece are the author’s own and does not necessarily reflect geo.tv’s editorial policy
The author is an educational man and international baccalaureate (IB) consultant. He Tweets/Poster: @tbandey
Originally published in the news
