Dear Haya,
My fiancé and I have been engaged for about six months now. He is a good guy and is very caring for me, but a little too emotionally clinging at times. I’m not ungrateful, but his nature can sometimes get annoying.
I like him enough to have agreed to marry him and we get along well. Obviously, I also see a future married to him. But his clumsy behavior gives me ICK at times, so much that I want to consider my decision. This is an arranged setup so there is not much room for me to do it. I also want to be a little too dramatic sometimes, but it’s hard to explain how annoying it can be.
I want to know if it’s okay to feel like that and whether it’s normal in a relationship like this. I will not remain confused and annoyed by such a trivial subject. How do I work around this?
-A conflicting breach-to-be
Dear conflicting breach-to-be,
I will assure you that your feelings are completely valid. It is normal to feel annoyed or overwhelmed when a partner’s emotional needs do not match your own. This does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with the relationship – it just highlights a difference in how you both express and receive love.
From what you have shared, it sounds like your fiancé is loving and caring, but his level of emotional closeness sometimes feels excessive to you. This can be a question of different attachment styles – maybe he leans against anxious attachment and seeking reassurance and constant connection while you may have appreciate more emotional independence. Neither is right nor wrong, but they require balance to prevent resentment from building.
When it comes to relationship, no one is perfect. But yes, there are people who are more right for us and some who are more wrong for us. How do we know? By first knowing ourselves and knowing what our non-conveyable needs are. When you know your own non-conveyable needs, you are able to know what is good for you and what is not. The rest, you tolerate.
Does this come to your specific problem now, clash with your non-conveyable needs? Is it something that is a deal breaker for you? How much space is this consumed for you? How much of a weight does this problem have for you?
What does this ick trigger in you? I would be curious about it.
Secondly, we assume that our partner just wants to know what is happening to us. But in reality no one knows before we don’t communicate with them and tell them. You are responsible for letting your partner know how you feel.
For example, you can tell him that even if you value his love and attention, you also need space to feel like yourself.
Use “in” statements. For example, you can say, “I love how caring you are, but I also need moments of independence to feel my best in the relationship.”
The way you express you mean something.
Also evaluate the larger image. In addition to this irritation, do you feel respected, safe and emotionally supported in this relationship?
Once you have expressed how you feel that you are starting to put your needs into practice. Experiments with setting small boundaries. For example, planning of solo time or independent hobbies. See how he reacts – does he respect your space or become adhesive? This will tell you a lot about how adaptable he is to your needs.
Finally, remember that you are responsible for meeting your needs and establishing boundaries that support your well -being. It is perfectly normal to experience doubts and frustrations – even in the healthiest conditions – because no relationship is flawless.
The key is to assess whether this is something you can work through or whether it signalizes a deeper incompatibility, especially considering that marriage is a long -term commitment in which both your needs need to be honored. As for your question, whether it is okay or normal to feel that way, remember that your experience matters. The fact that these feelings weigh you and make you consider is not trivial at all – it is a sign that they deserve your attention and care. Honor how you feel.
Sends you clarity and confidence.
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro -Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, company’s well -being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures that focus on well -being and raise awareness of mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
Note: The above advice and opinions are the author’s and specific to the query. We strongly recommend that our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personal advice and solutions. The author and geo.tv take on no responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the herein given. All published pieces are subject to editing to improve grammar and clarity.
