Dear Haya,
I am in my mid 20’s and have a very hard time sleeping on time. Constant thoughts about career and personal life keep me awake at night and I really struggle to rest.
After a long day at work, I usually expect bed time, but the moment I try to sleep, negative emotions take over and I go into a spiral of overthinking, so much so that I often experience extreme anxiety because of it. I have tried to work on it by doing my best to get to bed on time and have even tried soothing teas and salves to relax but all to no avail.
I have yet to look into seeing a therapist with the hope that I would be able to handle this on my own before seeking professional help. It’s been a few months and I’m now worried about my mental health.
Do you have any suggestions on how to navigate this situation?
Dear anon,
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt concern. What you have described is something many people silently struggle with, but few say out loud. It really takes courage to put it into words.
From what I hear, you have trouble sleeping on time. Thoughts about your career and your personal life keep you awake at night and these are two very valid concerns in life that shape a significant part of our lives.
The moment you try to rest, your mind is flooded with thoughts and negative emotions that take over and lead you to feel anxious. You’ve tried to manage these symptoms by using soothing teas, salves, and trying to sleep on time, showing that you’re doing your best, but none of it has helped.
And the bitter truth is that it won’t.
Not because you are doing something wrong, but because what you are experiencing is internal distress and the remedy you are using is external. These strategies touch the surface, not the source.
Sure, your symptoms manifest externally. For example, trouble sleeping, over thinking, etc. but the root source is internal. It can be due to unprocessed emotions, persistent stress, unresolved fears and a nervous system that holds more than its capacity. What you feel is not random, it is a reflection of what demands your attention within.
Do you have a question for Haya? Fill this form anonymously or email to [email protected]
You can have all the teas in the world, but unless you look within and work through what your mind and body hold, nothing really changes.
Often the night does this. When the day’s responsibilities end, the mind gets a quiet moment and all that we haven’t dealt with becomes louder. At its core, anxiety is often linked to fear of the future or uncertainty about something that has not been addressed.
The way to address this is not through a product or ritual (although you can continue if it feels good), but by gently leaning into the discomfort of what you are truly repressing. It would require you to sit in silence, with your discomfort, and ask yourself:
- What do you avoid?
- What is it about your professional life that doesn’t feel aligned? What needs to be changed?
- What uncertainties or pressures in your personal life are left unresolved? What concerns are holding you up that you are not addressing?
- What feelings do you carry alone that need space, validation or processing?
Sitting with these questions can feel difficult at first, and that’s perfectly normal. When we’ve spent months or years pushing emotions aside, the thought of turning inward can feel overwhelming. But this is exactly where healing begins – by allowing what’s inside to have space instead of forcing it down.
As you begin to do the inner work, you will slowly notice a shift. Your external symptoms will begin to calm down. They are not random problems, they are signals. And once the signals are heard, the body no longer needs to shout.
Your body is not malfunctioning, it is communicating. Asking for attention, care and understanding.
Start here and see how it goes, this will help you make sense of your experience.
Last but not least, I would highly recommend you work with a therapist, not because you can’t handle it, but because you don’t have to handle it all alone. Having someone guide you through these internal blocks can make the process less overwhelming and more effective.
Remember, half of our battles are won when we seek support.
Best wishes,
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), practicing corporate wellness strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions by filling out this form or mail to [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend that our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalized advice and solutions. The author and Pakinomist.tv assume no responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information contained herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to improve grammar and clarity.
