This story is discussing suicide. If you or someone you know have thoughts of suicide, please contact suicide and crisis-lifeline of 988 or 1-800-273 talk (8255).
Indianapolis Colt’s right tackle Braden Smith fought against more than just conflicting Kant-Russhers last season.
Smith, 29, fought for a war in the head and missed the last five games of the Colts season. He was placed on the list of reserve/non-football disease.
Smith was eventually diagnosed with religious scrupulosity by a psychiatrist. Religious scrupolosity is a form of OCD characterized as obsessive thoughts and coercion focused on religious themes, such as sin, God and the person’s religious practice.
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Indianapolis Colts Offensive Tackle Braden Smith goes on the sidelines during the Tennessee Titans game at Nissan Stadium in Nashville, December 3,2023. (IMagn)
“There is the real, real, true, living God,” Smith told the Indy star. “And then there’s my OCD god, and OCD -God is this condemnary (deity). It’s like any wrong feature you make, it’s like beating the ruler against his hand.” Another bad feature like that and you’re out of here. “”
“I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found, I didn’t care about playing football. I didn’t care about hanging with my family, with my wife, with my newborn son … I (felt like) was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain.”
When Smith had a bad thought, he would immediately answer with a coercive prayer or internal statement of devotion.
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Indianapolis Colts Tackle Braden Smith blocks Pittsburgh Steelers outside Linebacker TJ Watt at Lucas Oil Stadium on November 28, 2022. (Trevor Ruszkowski-usa Today Sports)
Smith took medicine and participated in daily therapy sessions, but they only offered temporary relief.
Just before Thanksgiving, Smith’s wife, Courtney, gave him a choice.
He could either continue with medicine and daily therapy or go away from football and check in at an intensive mental health facility to tackle the problem.
Smith knew it was time to go away.
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Indianapolis Colts Offensive Tackle Braden Smith in action during the Houston Texans game at NRG Stadium on September 17, 2023. (Maria Lysaker-USA Today Sports)
Smith then checked in at a facility in Colorado and planned to stay for four weeks.
Instead, he was there for 48 days, but not much progress was made.
“It’s a very hopeless feeling,” Smith said. “And that’s kind of where Ibogaine comes in. This was like the last ditch effort for me.”
Ibogaine is a psychoactive indolalkaloid that is known for its psychedelic effects and is illegal in the United States.
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Indianapolis Colts offensive tackle Braden Smith defends Houston Texans at NRG Stadium on September 17, 2023. (Troy Taormina-usa Today Sports)
“Ibogaine, it legitimately resets your brain,” Smith told the paper. “Imagine your brain as a ski slope and you create all these grooves, from all these paths that you walk on, and they keep getting deeper and deeper and deeper. These are the habits we create, and over time it will not be possible to create a new path because it is so deep. Ibogaine will literally clear these, as, the recipients in your brain.”
During his trip to Mexico to try Ibogaine, Smith took another psychedelic that gave positive results. He took the synthetic version of 5-MEO-DMT, which is a naturally occurring psychedelic produced in plants and seen in some mushrooms poison.
After he took 5-MEO-DMT, Smith felt he was back in contact with the real God, and was intimate one with him. It looked like the demons were being practiced and he no longer felt looking at OCD god.
“I still have OCD, but it doesn’t grab me,” Smith said. “It doesn’t dictate my life.”
The Colts Offensive Tackle Braden Smith moves against Houston Texans at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis on January 6, 2024. (IMagn)
Colts look forward to getting Smith back in the fold on the gaming field.
“Getting Braden Smith back and he’s in a good place,” said Colts General Manager Chris Ballard via Indy Star. “I think people forget how good the bradle is.”
Smith has spent his entire seven-year career with Colts after making him their second round of elections in the NFL draft in 2018 out of Auburn.
