Hi Haya,

I am planning to move abroad but currently lack funds. I am making the decision to move abroad because I have found a job, but the cost of moving to a new country and finding a place to live makes me nervous, as I only have a certain amount of money to get by for a few days, while the salary from the new job is only credited after a month of starting work, which is not enough at the end of the day.

It is a strange situation for me as I have found a job and am desperate to get out of the country but the worry about the economy has been too overwhelming. Although I can work around this situation if I seek help from my parents, I am too nervous to do so. My father can easily save some money, but I don’t know how to muster up the courage to ask him to lend me some money. He has always insisted that I, as his son, must be completely independent and work things out on my own.

My parents are hard to convince when it comes to money and most arguments in our house are over finances. Please tell me how to start the money talk with my dad so we don’t end up getting into a heated argument?

– A stressed adult

Dear Stressed Adult,

First of all, congratulations on securing a job abroad! It’s an important milestone, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed when faced with such a big step, especially with financial worries weighing on you.

I see your situation in two ways.

1. Trying to figure everything out on your own and drowning yourself in worry, stress and overwhelm.

2. Seeking support from your father.

I see both choices as difficult, and the second requires more courage. You want to seek support from your father and talk to him about it, but you struggle with how to have the conversation. Let’s get right into it.

The conversation you have with your father must be structured, transparent and with a clear plan.

Here’s how you can approach it:

First of all, choose a time when your father is likely to be relaxed and open to conversation.

Start the conversation with empathy and transparency by telling your father, as you move on to the next phase of your life, how much you value the independence he has encouraged in you and the principles he has instilled in you, and how much it has meant you into the person you are today. This will help you set a respectful tone and help reduce defensiveness.

Next, explain your current circumstances and highlight that you have managed to take care of most things but are facing a financial shortfall (you can share in which area you are facing the shortfall). Share that this gap exists because you don’t receive your first month’s pay until after completing your first month’s work.

Let him know that you need his financial support in the first place and if he could lend you a certain amount that you would pay him back over a certain period of time. Present it as temporary support and not dependency. Let him know that this will give you the foundation to settle in, stay on track, and be self-reliant. Let him know when you want to return him the amount before.

While closing the conversation and waiting for his response, be open to suggestions or compromises. Instead of framing it as a requirement, make it a joint discussion. This can make your dad feel more involved and less pressured. For example: “I’d love to hear what you think about this and how we can figure it out.”

Have a backup plan ready — If your father expresses concerns, be prepared with alternative solutions. Mention that you’ve tried to figure out other options, like taking out a small loan from a bank or seeking support from a friend, and see how you can cut back further. This shows that you do not rely solely on him, but seek his support because you value his help and trust.

When you close the conversation, reinforce the bigger picture – where this is an investment in his future and his support would really mean the world to you, and his support in the past has gotten you where you are today (if it has) and thank you him for it in the way that feels best to you.

Finally, remember to keep your composure and overview. If he initially reacts negatively, give him time to process. His resistance may stem from his own concerns, not a lack of faith in you.

I want you to know that you are taking bold steps that require a lot of courage and this will be something that will help you unlock your potential further. Good luck!

– Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), practicing corporate wellness strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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